Journey

Dealing with a broken childhood…. Part 2

Thought I’d come back to finish the post off from 6 days ago. I had a little break from writing, after I finished the post my anxiety went a bit haywire, that’s the one of the things that still haunts me from my childhood. ANXIETY!

After years of watching your mother get psychically abused by her husband. The man who’s meant to “love” and “Cherise” her, and also going through it yourself. You come out with a fair few wounds, but one year there was light at the end of the tunnel. When I was 15 my so called “father” punched me because I had gone to see someone he didn’t like. To say my face was a mess is an understatement, he still proceeded to send me to school the next day, and that was not fun. Have you ever had to walk onto a bus full of high school kid’s, with a lip so split it touches the bottom of your chin? Nope. Well that girl was me that day, the stares and whispers were horrible, and as soon as I walked into my form room my tutor rushed me into the back room. My then deputy head was called in and questions started being asked, there was me, 15 years old with a face that I can’t even describe having to tell 2 teachers about my joyous life at home, and how my “father” beat me.

After I answered questions and my fellow peers were removed from the classroom, I was hushed onto the deputy heads office to stay there for the day. At this point I was SHITTING myself. I thought they were going to ring my parents and I was dreading HIM turning up at school, I was a ball of nerves, panic, fear and tears. The one saving grace was a girl called Kerri. She was my best friend and knew what life was like at home, the deputy head went and got her from whatever lesson she was having, to come and sit with me so I wasn’t alone. She made me laugh as soon as she walked in, calling me a drama queen 😂, asked if I wanted a drink from the can machine which was nice expect I couldn’t actually drink. I tried and it just all spilled out of my mouth, so she fetched me a straw.

During all of this joking and Kerri making me feel normal, while held in the office, we didn’t know what was really going on. Until suddenly Mrs Richardson came out and asked me to go follow her to the headteachers office. This is when I truly felt pure terror. I didn’t want to go in to go in that room. What or who was in there! Was it HIM! Was I about to wish I wasn’t born?

Nope to my relief it was the police.

Obviously, at that time I didn’t know about safeguarding issues and referrals, but I was made aware the school had rang the police because they had a duty of care. The police proceeded to say they wanted to take a statement and photos. I agreed, because I couldn’t go on with home life anymore. After all of that was done, I was ushered back into the office upstairs. During all this time, my story of my face had spread round school, you all know what highschool kids are like. So I was now the freak show, people trying to get a look at me in the office. Luckily Mrs Richardson has locked the door.

I also didn’t know what else to expect and i was dreading going home. But another surprise was about to happen, another knock on the door to which children’s services came in. They now wanted to talk to me, which lasted what seemed like forever. The one saving grace came from that conversation I DIDNT HAVE TO GO “HOME”. They made arrangements for me to stay at Kerri’s until they could figure it out better.

I stayed with Kerri for 2 days and was then put into the care of my big sister. During this time my “father” was charged with assault and given a 2 Year suspended sentence. RELIEF, VICTORY!

Well so you would think……..

15 thoughts on “Dealing with a broken childhood…. Part 2

  1. You’re so strong. I too have grown up in a family with a nasty dynamic, and certain things that haunt and plague me. Since moving to University life has been getting easier… but that’s so true… anxiety is something Ive gained from childhood that I doubt I’ll ever lose.

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  2. I’m so sorry you went through all of this, having such a traumatic childhood can have such long lasting effects. It sounds like the school handled it brilliantly, I’m so pleased they were able to recognise what was going on and take the right path in helping you.

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  3. This must be so difficult for you to revisit and write about. Thanks for being so honest. I’m looking forward to hearing the rest of your story x

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  4. I am so sorry you went through this. 😦 Writing and sharing your experience can both be part of the healing process and it can also help others talk about their own buried traumas too. Big hugs.

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